Tears prick the corners of my eyes and I let them fall, streaming down my face like rain. You kiss them away before pressing you lips to mine. I tell you how surprised I am by how special you’ve become to me and you smile once more before kissing me again. I feel like I always have a million and one things to say to you but I end up gazing into those beautiful brown eyes instead. The words unsaid traveling from my heart to my fingertips instead as they trace the outline of your lips before placing my lips in their place and feeling you lean into me. I let my body speak instead, my voice too shaky to let my thoughts spill from my mouth. “You’ve helped me so much.” and once again it’s all suddenly enough and I melt in your arms giving myself to you completely. Feeling vulnerable and free.
And it hurts, it hurts so very much. The sting of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. I see you in my mind’s eye and it breaks my heart every time. Your eyes filled with sadness and love and yet you were never quite brave enough to love me. I’ve let myself feel the rush of a new love, four hours away from me. It’s hard because everything is familiar and yet everything is new. All this fear and insecurity stems from you even though i’ve tried so desperately to turn the page on that part of my life but you always find a way to bleed onto my new pages. No matter how happy I am I will always have this insatiable curiosity when it comes to you.
It’s in those wistful gazes, those lingering touches of fingertips to skin, the heat of your breath against my chest that I find myself lost in feelings I don’t understand. Curling into a ball I feel the steady rise and fall of your chest and I lean into you, your arms encircling my waist and it’s suddenly enough. Enough to just be with you, in the moment and absolutely vulnerable. Everything else falls away and I feel safe. I stop questioning and thinking about myself and I focus all my attention on you. You and the way your chest feels pressed against my back, the steady beat of your pulse in your wrists that thumps ever so slightly against my fingertips as I let them graze your skin. I sigh once more, content, wanting nothing but to be present and in your arms.